Tuesday, 18 June 2013

TILL HE COMES... By Bushrah Olagunju


At a point in our lives, we have dreamt or had this fantasy of ‘Prince Charming’ coming to sweep us off our feet maybe from excessive watching of Snow White, Sleeping beauty, Cinderella blah blah blah. Well, I took the pain to help you achieve your fantasy and see your dream come true. I took to the internet and searched Prince Charming up. It would interest you to know what Wikipedia thinks! 

Wikipedia defines Prince Charming as, "a star character that originates in a number of fairy tales, he is a prince that comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress and therefore must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell." Keywords to note: fairy tale, quest and evil spell, we’ll get back to that later. I don’t know about you, but something sounds shady about this guy. Prince Charming married Snow White, Sleeping beauty and Cinderella with each marriage ending in divorce due to compulsive womanizing. Keywords: divorce and womanizing. He himself comments: “I always truly love a woman when I first pursue her; I’m just not good at the happily ever after part.” So sisters, do you really want to wait for this character to come knock at your door? My advice, stop waiting!

Now to the keywords, Fairy tale: synonyms to this word are fable, myth, untrue story etc. It simply means it does not exist. Quest: I’ll like to ask what quest Prince charming is embarking upon. Evil spell: Sister, are you under any spell? I doubt that. Divorce: I’m sure you know what that means? Womanizing: I’m sure you know what this means too. So sisters, are you really sure you want to end up with a guy like this? 

For starters, he doesn’t exist and if you still believe he does, I’m sure you don’t want your marriage to end up in some way (divorce). I will say at this point, wake up to reality. Some sisters are in reality, so they’re not waiting for Prince charming. They’re waiting for ‘Mr. Perfect’. Again, we both know he doesn’t exist either. No one’s perfect. Others wait to accumulate degrees upon degrees thinking it will make them more attractive and sought after while others wait for the combination of a rich, handsome and honest gentleman. 

For the millionth time, I say my sister, check the time, what does it say? It is reality O’ clock! I’m sure you must be tired of seeing the word ‘REALITY’ appear in this article and must be asking yourself what this reality is all about. First of all, Prince charming is not coming, there is no Mr. Perfect, your accumulated degrees won’t make you more attractive, the combination of RHH (rich, handsome and honest) is rare and as a lady your biological clock is ticking. Now that’s reality. The older you get, the less the proposal you get and the less attractive you are. 

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For a guy, the older he gets, the more time he has to build his career and be financially stable and the more attractive he will be. A lady’s youth make her beautiful while a man’s wealth and success make him attractive. Having established the realities, what is the plan? What is the solution? A first thing first is what you’re looking for in a husband realistic? If what you’re looking for is that guy with the duplex in GRA or Lekki, drives the latest Mercedes E-class, is extremely handsome and has an obese account, well it is safe to say you’re Alice in the wonderland or more like Aliyah in the wonderland. 

Do you want a man who will be a complement to your numerous degrees? I’m sorry to disappoint you but you won’t find any. Men are not meant to be complements. So get off your high horse and do what is right for you. Remember that hadith of the Rasul (PBUH) about reasons why people get married, contrary to what many think, the hadith refers to both men and women. As we all know, the best reason to get married is because of the deen. So, wait for the man with the deen. Again, there are numerous men with the deen. 

Good news! You don’t have to wait. The point is, find someone you’re attracted to because of the deen. It must be noted here that even with the best of characters and Godliness, you still might not be attracted to someone. Again, one silly mistake most sisters make is waiting for the man she is attracted to make the first move by proposing. The truth is, he might not even know you are attracted to him and so don’t expect him to mysteriously know you’re interested in him. Here’s a secret, men are blind when it comes to women signals especially if the feeling is not mutual. 

There are many halaal ways to pass your message across, just go through the proper channels. Take a cue from our mother Khadijah (RA) on how she passed her message to our noble prophet (PBUH). Any man can give you riches, comfort and latest rides but it only takes a man who understands the deen to give you love, understanding and most of all closeness to Almighty Allah here in this world and in the hereafter. Although naturally, beauty and success are attractive qualities, the one quality that brings happiness to a marriage is deen which I’m sure we all desire. 

So, look out for his deen first when you’re looking for your other half because if that is missing, you can kiss your marriage goodbye. Other things might follow but don’t dwell on those other things. Remember, marriage is half your deen, so don’t expect it to be an easy task. This life is nothing but a trial and the process of getting married is nothing but a trial too. Be prayerful always. “A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, lineage, beauty and her religion. So marry the religious one otherwise you will be a loser”, agreed upon.